There’s something so down and gritty about American Apparel. The way they use real people, and not the Barbie looking ones like In catalogues but the odd balls. The ones that you look and know they’re beautiful but wonder if everyone else thinks the same. They make you look at your flaws differently.
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And it’s crazy how after all these years I still know your phone number by heart…
He said he likes confidence, but I’m just wondering how long I can hide my depression
Me
I don’t think my mom likes asking me how my day was anymore. I think she knows my answer will be depressed. When she asks ‘how was your day ?’ I respond Eh and she says aw and then it goes to silence. Sometimes I want to just say my day was a piece of shit look at my fucking wrists, but that would raise questions and worries and I love her too much for that.
Me
I hate my family.
It’s 2:30 A.M and im sitting here crying like when I was in 7th grade. My dad just finished yelling at me and all in all I hate my family. For some people they feel happy with there family and can trust them but I can’t. I can’t do any of that. My smiles around them don’t feel natural and I don’t feel like apart of them. They’re so insulting and just disgusting. Yes, maybe they love me but everything that loves you or that you love isn’t always good for you. I’m so done with their bullshit and I’ve had enough of it. Something is gonna have to change soon. I’m not living like this.
Happy
All I ever wanted to be was happy.
You kill me
- I't just keeps getting worst. I've had depression for 3 years now and I think I won't ever get better. Too many things make me sad and won't ever stop making me sad. Because of the things that have happend to me, people in my life, and my character and personality. I don't think I will get past this. I don't know what to do. Death seems so easy but the look on my mothers face when she would find me kills me.
My dad makes me want to kill myself.
Go Away
I don’t think I’ve ever hated myself so much in my entire life. I worked so hard to be everything I want and felt good for a few months and confident, but I feel back to where I began now. I can’t even stand to look in the mirror or take pictures anymore. And when I do look in the mirror im constantly pointing out everything, trying to fix it but it won’t go away…
Alcoholic Dreaming
- My dad has always been an alcoholic. Along with everyone else in his family. It's true, it can be passed along. Sometimes I feel like if I take one sip of a drink I'll turn into him like its a potion. Deep down I feel sorry for him, because all I see is a depressed person who never deals with it but instead goes for the bottle. I'm depressed and have been for quite some time and my worst fear is to turn into him. At that point I'd just kill myself.
Words
- I remember being at work only 14years old and cutting myself the night before. I had made sure to try to cover the cuts on my wrists but it didn't work. A boy saw and said, "did you cut yourself?" I wanted to lie but that day I didn't have the energy. So I said the truth in front of all my co-workers. They all dropped their mouths. One said omg why what's wrong and others looked sad. But all he could say was, "your gonna do it again" in a mean tone while one worker tried to defend me. He just kept saying,"It's a repeated act your gonna do it again." I wanted to cry and just go home and kill myself. I felt so broke. I that day decided I wanted to prove him wrong although he ended up being right. And it's almost a year later and I still hear his words every time I finish self-harming. They ring in my ears so I can't sleep. The little things really are the big ones.